Today is my dad’s 68th birthday. It’s only taken 39.5 years and a diagnosis of M.S. for me to finally relate to my father. I mean, really relate — on a peer-to-peer level.
I visited my folks yesterday, to celebrate his birthday. During the afternoon, as we sat in the living room, my dad told me a story. He pointed at the front window, where the Christmas decorations hung and said, “That thing fell off the window the other day.” I said, “Geez, did it scare you?” He replied, “No, what scared me was when I was trying to tell your mom about it. I said to her, ‘I have to go outside and rehang that thing’.” He was pointing at the window and demonstrating. He continued, “I told her, I need to hang that round thing. That thing from the front window. That thing with the big bow.” My mom must have looked at him quizzically and she asked, “You mean the WREATH?” My dad laughed as he told the story and said, “Yes, it was the wreath.”
I told him I had him beat. Many times over.
The other day, I told a coworker that I needed to run out to that thing to get something for them. You know, that white thing. The thing with the four wheels that I drive? Ah, yes, my CAR. Yes, that thing. On Friday, I said to my husband that I had to run out to the garage to get some food out of that thing. You know, the thing with the two doors and shelves in it. The thing that was really cold inside. Ah, yes, the REFRIGERATOR. Yes, that thing. Yet another day, I called a co-worker, searching for a word to place into a sentence. I told her it was a synonym of “virile” and the opposite of “weak.” She said, “Do you mean the word ’strong’?” Ah, yes, STRONG. I could remember “synonym” and “weak”, but I couldn’t remember the word “strong.”
When scoring some of my online writing students’ papers this weekend, I kept nagging them to make stronger word choices and to strengthen their vocabularies through their projects and papers. I laughed at myself, knowing that right now their vocabularies may just be a tad better than mine.
It’s easier when I’m writing. I can take the time to think things through. But in mid-conversation, when the words don’t come to me, it’s sometimes funny and sometimes embarrassing. I’ve asked people to refrain from finishing my sentences for me. I must strengthen my brain. I conned a few coworkers into an impromtu game of Scrabble last week. They thought I was just trying to fit in and be cool with the game-playing group. I needed to work my brain, to practice my words. I did a couple of crosswords yesterday. I use this blog and all the writing I do on a daily basis to push my brain, to work my brain, to improve my brain.
So, it took it a few decades and a prognosis of a life-altering disease for me to find a way to truly connect and relate with my dad. Sure, he’s a bit older and it’s normal for him to forget words. I’m comforted though, knowing that he and I can swap brain-challenging stories together. We can shake our heads together in quiet acknowledgement, because now we can really relate. Maybe it’s one of the best birthday presents he’s ever received from me. Who knows?
OK…now you know how I feel (and have felt for at least the past 5 years) when I try to speak to one of my children and I go down the list of my 2 brothers, 2 step kids, all 3 children, grand child…and then I finally just stop and say….”YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! STOP TRYING TO CONFUSE ME!!!!!!” LOL It’s not just older people or people with MS who have trouble trying to get the right word(s) out. As you know, my Father has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and he gets very frustrated when he can’t remember what word he wants to use. I told him it happens to me many times during the day, so he shouldn’t be embarrassed. It just means we have WAY too many things going on up there!
68 I am but now the whole world will remind me of it or help me when I can’t think. Opposed to Tracy’s comment, I am not old. My finer points have just been polished and tarnished and polished until they blind out the needed thoughts sometime…Thanks for a great day.
Kim’s Dad….I do not think you are old. Didn’t mean to offend…I was talking more about my dad and other’s who ARE more seasoned. From a few things that Kim has shared about her parents….you guys rock!
Tracy, but he is “old.” OLD is a good thing! I want to be old. I’m living to be old!! Seasoning is for steaks. With age comes wisdom and a life of lessons learned and shared. Long live the “old” and those mid-way on the journey there. Ok, still a little less than mid-way. Maybe I’m not so ready to be old afterall, LOL!!!
Oh…and get this….just this morning while the kids were eatting breakfast….I told Taylor to get her hair out of her sandwich. The kids all laughed and she said, “You mean my cereal?” lol
Thanks for posting this. I had my own episode of “that THING!” today, while I was talking on the phone with my best friend. It went something like: “Ummmm…you know…those…THINGS. Ummm….not ’surveys.’ Uhhh…what’s the word? Not ‘recommendations…’” Finally, she saved me: “You mean evaluations?” I smiled. “YES. YES. Evaluations. Those things.” Haha.
LOL — thanks for the laugh (I needed one by the way). Love your blog, too. I’ve been reading it often. We should talk sometime though about your intro (the day I started to die….). I’m interested in your perspective. And, I’d love to share your story on O Sole Mio Sundays, too!